The Gift
by bdwoolf
Summary: Daniel faces his feelings about his Grandfather after Crystal Skull with the help of General Hammond and his grandaughter, Kayla.


==================  
  
"You wanted to see me General?"  
  
General Hammond looked up from the paper he was reading at the young man standing in his doorway and wondered once again if what he was about to do was appropriate. He'd never done anything like this before, but the events of the past couple of days had left him weary in mind and body. He often times wondered if he wasn't getting too old for this. Especially when the new recruits arrived, some still with the baby fat of youth in their faces. It wasn't the first time he had thought to himself that the new people he saw parading past him were getting younger and younger while he was just getting older and older. What was happening here, in the SGC, was a young man's game and he wasn't that young, brash lieutenant who had first run into SG-1 back in the fall of 1969.  
  
Three years ago he had been going to retire after one more year. He had looked forward to that retirement and had started making plans. On top of that list was spend more time getting to know his grandchildren in ways that he never knew his own. Not that he had neglected his children, it was just that sometimes military life required that you put your family on hold for awhile. Attending school plays had been few and far between. Talking with Kayla yesterday he had realized that it was something he had missed with his own children and here he was missing them again.  
  
"Dr. Jackson, please come in. Sit down."  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
Hammond watched. Here was a young man who has been through an awful lot in a short time. Having his theories laughed at and ridiculed. On his last dime, he finds that what he has been theorizing all along is now about to be proven and he can't tell a soul. Marries a young woman from another planet and then loses her a year later to his enemies. Finds her again only to have her taken away from him permanently in death. Now this.  
  
He remembered his earlier conversation with Kayla when he called her to say that he could attend her play. When he told her, he could hear the excitement in her voice and then it dropped out and was filled with concern. She had asked if he had found his friend - the one who was lost. He had told her that he had. She asked if he was all right - not hurt and he had assured her that he was fine. Maybe a little sad, but he wasn't hurt. She said good and then asked if just maybe his friend would like to come see her play. It was a funny play and maybe it would help to cheer him up. He had hesitated while he tried to think of an answer and it turned out to be too long a hesitation. She had then said the magic word - please. He said he would ask.  
  
"Dr. Jackson, I'm going to be leaving in a few minutes to go and watch Kayla in her school play. I was wondering if you'd like to join me?"  
  
Daniel looked up sharply. He hadn't expected this. What he had expected was to be again asked if he was all right. Not that he didn't appreciated the concern he could see in everyone's eyes, he was just tired and not really sure how he felt about what had just happened. He hadn't had time to work it out in his head yet.  
  
"Sir, I'd be honored."  
  
***  
  
Daniel watched Hammond closely when he answered. The look he was watching for didn't appear. The one that said 'God, he said yes now what do I do?' Instead a warm smile appeared on his face almost a thank you.  
  
"I called Kayla and told her I'd be able to make it to her school play. She asked if I'd found my friend."  
  
There, Daniel thought. An almost embarrassed look, but it passed quickly and Daniel wasn't sure if that was what he actually saw.  
  
"I told her yes, that I had. She was happy to hear that and suggested I bring you with me. I know this isn't exactly what you want to be doing. Meeting the General's granddaughter, but I thought if you wanted to you could, you know, watch the play and meet Kayla, then leave if you felt uncomfortable."  
  
As Daniel watched Hammond he saw it again. It was embarrassment, but tinged with no small amount of pride for his granddaughter who had asked. He realized that the General could have made up an excuse to give her. He could have told her that Daniel was busy or that he couldn't make it for other reasons, but instead he had asked and had seemed relieved when Daniel had said he would go.  
  
"General Hammond, I would love to see Kayla's school play and meet her. I know I'll enjoy it. I think it's just what I need right now. Just let me get something first."  
  
***  
  
"General Hammond?"  
  
Hammond was standing at the window looking down into the embarkation room. SG-3 was just returning from P3x560. They looked exhausted from their month long stay on the planet. Exhausted, but happy. Not happy that it was over, but that they had succeeded in helping the inhabitants by teaching them how to build dikes to stop the river from over flowing its banks and flooding their homes each spring. He turned from the window and saw Daniel there watching him.  
  
"Yes, Dr. Jackson."  
  
He had worried that Jackson would be bored at Kayla's play and later at the reception after. When they had gotten to the school, Jackson had been quiet and a little withdrawn and he again thought about the appropriateness of his invitation, concerned about whether this had been a good idea considering the past 48 hours.  
  
They hadn't gotten there in time to see Kayla before the play started. They had gone in and found the seats that his daughter had saved for them. He only had had time for a quick introduction before the curtain rose and the play began. Jackson seemed to perk up as the play progressed. He had laughed in all the right places and as Hammond had watched, he saw that it was genuine laughter. When the play was over he had stood with the rest of the parents and grand parents and had given the children a hardy, standing ovation.  
  
Jackson had something in his hand that he was holding out ... a small box wrapped in silver paper with a bright, blue ribbon.  
  
"For you and Kayla.  
  
Hammond took the package and turned it over in his hands. This was something totally unexpected and he was unsure of the implications that this might mean. He looked up and gazed into the bright, blue eyes behind Jackson's glasses trying to see if he could find there an answer as to why he was begin given a present. What he saw was the usual shyness that Jackson exuded, but also what he could only describe as a 'wellness' that hadn't been there before along with the hint of a smile.  
  
"Dr. Jackson, this is ..."  
  
"Sir, please."  
  
Hammond paused and once again looked in the young man's eyes. What he saw convinced him not to say anything until after opening the small gift.  
  
Both men sat down at the conference table. Instead of sitting at his usual seat at the head of the table, Hammond walked to the other side and sat in the chair where O'Neill usually sat. Daniel sat opposite him.  
  
Hammond placed the small, carefully wrapped package on the table. He looked up at Jackson.  
  
"You're sure you don't want me to wait and open this with Kayla?"  
  
"Yes, sir. I'm sure."  
  
Hammond carefully untied the blue bow and set the ribbon aside neatly after he had removed it from the box. Then he carefully peeled away the tape, not tearing the silver paper. He folded it and placed it next to the ribbon. The lid on the box came off easily and he saw that what was in the box was also wrapped in white tissue paper. Taking off the top layer he found a small video cassette box. The label said "Kayla - Happy Ever After". Next to it was a small, white jeweler's box tied with the same blue ribbon the package had been tied with. A small, hand written card said "To Kayla, thank you for last night. Daniel." And underneath that was an ornate gold frame with a picture of Kayla in her costume, smiling broadly. It was from the end of the play when the children were all lined up taking their bows. Kayla had searched the room and when her eyes lit on her Grandfather she had smiled. Jackson had caught that moment forever in the picture that he held in his hand. A lump appeared in his throat as he remembered that look. He looked up at Jackson.  
  
"Dr. Jackson. I don't know what to say. This is ... this is very thoughtful. Thank you."  
  
"The little box is a necklace made from some shells that I found on P3x1790. I don't know why I picked them up. When we came back I found them in my pocket. I guess it's because they were so delicate looking and pretty."  
  
"I'm sure she'll love it, Dr. Jackson."  
  
***  
  
Daniel watched as Hammond put everything back in the box except for the picture frame. He saw the General look at the picture and could see the pride and the love in his eyes for his granddaughter. When Hammond looked up, he saw embarrassment cross his features and knew he would have to explain why he had felt he had to give the General and his granddaughter something to thank them for what they had given him.  
  
"General Hammond. Last night ... yesterday when we all got back I found myself tired and hungry and really uncertain about how I felt about me, about my life, and about Nick. Everyone was asking me if I was all right and I just kept telling them that I was fine, but I don't think I was ... I know I wasn't.  
  
"General, my childhood up until I was eight was that of a normal eight year old. Different, but normal. I had two parents who I know loved me and I loved them. And then one day they were gone and I was left alone and I thought it was all my fault. I had done something wrong and that was the reason that they left me."  
  
"Dr. Jackson ..."  
  
Daniel held up a hand interrupting what Hammond had been about to say.  
  
"General, please. Let me finish. Jack never lets me finish anything and I've gotten used to that. But this time, I really have to finish."  
  
Daniel watched and when Hammond nodded he cleared his throat and started again.  
  
"You know when you're eight, everything is big. Everyone is big and in my eyes Nick was the biggest and scariest of all. I didn't know him that well. We hadn't had the usual family get together's at holidays. He was off on some dig somewhere or we were, but that was our life. I didn't see it any different than any other eight year old's life because I didn't know any better. It wasn't until I was placed in foster care that I realized that my family life had been different.  
  
"And somewhere, in my adolescent mind, I began to resent just a little that we hadn't had big family gatherings at Thanksgiving or Christmas ... that we didn't go over to Grandma's for a big Sunday dinner. I began to make up memories and there were a couple of years that I believed them. I wanted my Grandfather to come and take me away with him to this fictional Grandma's house where she would bake me all the cookies I wanted and sing me to sleep at night. I wanted Nick to be the Grandfather I made up who would come and scare away the monsters in the closet and as time went on, and he didn't come I began to blame myself. It was my fault he didn't come and get me. I began to feel that he blamed me for my parents death.  
  
"I guess somewhere along the way, I just gave up. No more make believe. Nick was who he was and I just didn't care any longer. If he could give up on me, I could give up on him.  
  
"When I found out that he had checked himself into that psychiatric clinic a part of me was glad. Here was the great Nicholas Ballard - in a mental institution. And I think I went to see him that first time just to gloat. Just to show him that I was on the outside now, and he was on the inside. I sat and listened to him spout off about the Beliez Skull and what he believed and I thought that he had lost it. I felt, in my mind, that this was pay back for his deserting me when I was eight. I felt exonerated.  
  
"But then when I started my research and saw where it was leading me, I went back and tried to talk to him about it. He told me I was crazier than he was and to get out. And suddenly I was eight again and it was my fault that my parents died and it was my fault that my grandfather didn't want me.  
  
"When Catherine came to me and asked me if I wanted to prove my theories I didn't know what to do at first. Doubts began to come out. What if what happened was that my theories were proved wrong? Nick would be right and I was crazy and it would be my fault all over again. I would have wasted my education and my reputation for nothing."  
  
"But you weren't wrong, Dr. Jackson. If it wasn't for you, this program as it is wouldn't exist right now," interrupted Hammond.  
  
"Thank you. I know that now, but then ... I was eight years old again emotionally. I've had many chances to go back and visit Nick since starting here. I didn't do it."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I knew I had been right all along. That I wasn't crazy and he was. And a part of me wanted him to know what it felt like to be an eight year old boy who was scared and who was alone."  
  
"And now, Dr. Jackson?"  
  
"Now? Now I know that everything I am and everything that I have accomplished began when my parents died and the great Nicholas Ballard refused to take me into his life ... refused to be the grandfather that I had made up in my mind. I wouldn't be here today, doing what I'm doing if it hadn't been for all of that. I know that's not what he intended to happen when he continued on with his life after my parent's death. Refusing to acknowledge that what I needed then was a pair of arms to hold me and tell me that everything was all right ... that it wasn't my fault that my parents died. That he was the only one who had any hope of convincing an eight year old boy that he was just an eight year old boy and that sometimes life doesn't play fair.  
  
"General Hammond while I was at Kayla's play last night and I watched you and I watched her, it reminded me of those memories that I made up. And I began to think. My real memories of my Mother and Father will always be tinged slightly with their death. But they're real. And even though my family life wasn't 'normal', it was my family's life. Right or wrong. It was who we were. And it was just the beginning. Nicholas had an impact on my life that I never really sat down and thought about ... until last night.  
  
"Until I saw the look in Kayla's eyes when she saw you were in the audience and the look that you gave her back, I never realized that Nicholas had always been involved in my life. That my entire life as an anthropologist was so that one day I could look at him that way. That I could feel what she was feeling last night ... the love and the pride that she had done something that pleased her Grandfather. I wanted to be able to look at him with what was in her eyes as she looked at you and I wanted him to look at me with what was in your eyes as you looked at her.  
  
"And I finally got that only I didn't really realize it until last night. One of the last things that Nick said to me before we left was that he was proud of me, but it wasn't just his words. It was his eyes and I missed seeing it.  
  
"General Hammond, you and Kayla gave me a gift last night. The two of you gave me my Grandpa."  
  
***  
  
Kayla squealed with delight at the necklace that she uncovered when she pulled the cotton up that was safely keeping the delicate shells from rattling around in the box.  
  
"Oh, Grandpa. These are lovely. Help me put them on," she said as she crawled up in Hammond's lap.  
  
After they were firmly in place around her neck, she wormed around until she was cradled in his arms. Fingering the shells, she asked, "Dr. Jackson is a nice man, isn't he?"  
  
"Yes, honey. Dr. Jackson is a very nice man. He said to tell you thank you. He said you were the star of the play and that your inviting him to come to it was just what he needed after being lost."  
  
"It must have been real scary being lost, Grandpa. I hope I never get lost."  
  
"I do too, honey. I do too."  
  
Hammond tried to imagine a small, eight year old boy whose parents had just died. A small, eight year old boy who had felt lost and had retained that feeling for all of his adult life. He held his granddaughter a little closer as he remembered Daniel coming with him to his office where he had placed Dr. Jackson's gift, the picture of Kayla, prominently on his desk. He remembered a different man leaving his office than the man who had come back with SG-1 after being missing for 48 hours. That man's eyes had the haunted look of emotions out of control. The man who left his office was a man who had finally found his worth and in finding it, had finally made peace with his past. 


End file.
